23 May 2009

Happy bank hol weekend!

Ocean rowers are something of a rare breed, with only a couple of hundred or so of them wandering about. However if you are off somewhere different for the bank hol weekend you may have the (mis??)fortune of bumping into one. If so here is a quick guide on how to spot an ocean rower at 50 paces...

1) They smell a bit. Can't be helped its just months of smelliness at sea kinda ingrains itself. Forever.

2)They wince a little as they take a seat. Those sores are a long time healing.

3) They have the appetite of a horse. Generally ocean rowers row an ocean to have an excuse to eat 5000 plus calories a day. Problem is they dont stop when the row stops.

4) They get a glazed look whenever anyone talks about responsibilities/work/settling down. As a general rule of thumb ocean rowers are running away from one or all of these.

5) They can drink anyone under the table. Two weeks pre-ocean row drinking 'like it might be your last' trains them up pretty well.

6) Their hands are permanently curved perfectly to hold a pint. The only benefit to ocean rowers 'claw hand' syndrome.

7) They're always skint. They say sailing is like standing in a cold shower ripping up 10pound notes. Ocean rowing is similar, just substitute the tenners for fiftys.

8)They generally start sentences with 'when i was rowing across the ocean...'. Any excuse to relive the glory days.

9) When selling a house they shove a bucket in each corner and claim its an ensuite.

Apart from the smelliness they're generally a great bunch to hang out with, so if you should come across one take pity on him/her, treat them to a pint and await the stories with bated breathe. You wont get a word in edgeways but we doubt you'll regret it.